Image of Aires the Ram, for Aries (astrology),...

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 The news is most upsetting today. I turn on the computer to learn that the sacred horoscope has been changed. How can this happen?

The horoscope dates back centuries to the ancient Babylonians who thought the position of stars ruled our lives. Now, some smart aleck professor from Minnesota says it is all wrong. I have lived my whole life as an Aries and now I’m a Pisces. As an Aries at the beginning of the zodiac calendar I have always been proud to lead the pack. I am told I’m strong and a leader. My horoscope even said my favorite color is red and I like hats. How did they know?

Now, I must readjust my thinking to picture myself as a Pisces at the end of the zodiac calendar. All I know about Pisces is that they are cold, wet fish. I’d rather be a ram.

Your “real” horoscope

Astrology buffs should be using these dates, reflecting where the stars currently are aligned:

Capricorn:  Jan. 20–Feb. 16

Aquaries:  Feb. 16–March 11

Pisces:  March 11–April 18

Aries:  April 18–May 13

Taurus:  May 13–June 21

Gemini:  June 21–July 20

Cancer:  July 20–Aug. 10

Leo:  Aug. 10–Sept. 16

Virgo:  Sept. 16–Oct. 30

Libra: Oct. 30–Nov. 23

Scorpio:  Nov. 23–29

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29–Dec. 17

Sagittarius: Dec. 17–Jan. 20


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