I’m Back

Two things happened over the weekend that were of some significance. The first was the drawing for the big, very big, lottery; and the second I will talk about later in this post.

The lottery drawing was held at 10:45 Friday evening. The local stations ran crawls across the screen saying they would have the winning numbers at the 11 o’clock newscast. I gathered my five lottery tickets, note pad and pen and sat impatiently waiting to write down my magic numbers. Out of all the numbers drawn and all the possible combinations I possessed only one of the winning numbers. So here I am, as promised, continuing my blog for another day since I didn’t win. As you can tell, I’m not jetting off to my deserted island counting my millions.

Even though no one in Ohio won the big lottery the link below says that 10 won $250,000. They possessed all the winning numbers but missed the Mega Ball number. All were auto-pick tickets. Two of the winners are from the Central Ohio area.

So my big question is—did any of my readers win the $250,000 and if so, how about a loan?$250000.html

 Now on to other business—I enjoy Sunday mornings when I usually fix pancakes for breakfast and leisurely read the Sunday paper. I always read the sections in a particular order with the Arts and Entertainment section first followed by Home and Garden and then Travel. After those three sections I then go about my tasks and fill in with the remaining sections later on Sunday or the next day.

Yesterday’s Travel column by Steve Stephens caught my eye headlined Ticket to Write: Sculpture sure to be a whopper. The whole column was about a small village on Lake Erie erecting a huge 100 ft. long neon sculpture atop the town hall honoring the invasive pest the Asian Carp. The village is doing this in hopes of attracting tourism. The planned sculpture will be large enough to be seen from both the Lake Erie Marblehead lighthouse and the Cleveland Browns Stadium.

As I read it I thought, “Boy this must be some hick town. Who would want to put up such an ugly thing?”

In addition, the sculpture will be built by the local middle school Home Ec class. The article quotes the mayor as saying, “We would have liked to have the art classes build the fish…but the school eliminated the art program last year due to budget cuts.”

As a proponent for the arts I’m thinking—true, the arts are always the first classes to be cut but I’m not sure the Home Ec classes will be able to handle such a large project. And, why the Home Ec class?

The article continues, “Admission to the fish — which will also house the county agriculture museum, the town’s famous mastodon and the last pair of false teeth owned by author O. Henry — will be $17.”

As I near the end I’m thinking what a hideous mess, I’m sure not going to travel to this town. The piece closes with– For more information, call the Grand Trompe Chamber of Commerce, Industry and Light Opera, or consult the date at the top of this page.

What?! I had been had. The date was April 1. I enjoy a good joke, even if it is on me. Happy belated April Fool’s Day.



Mega-mania Means Mega Millions for Someone

Have you bought your lottery ticket yet? Well, don’t bother because I’m going to win the $640 million Mega Millions jackpot.

If it is announced that there is a winner but the reluctant person has not come forward yet, then you will know that I am the one holding the lucky ticket. When I win I will remain incognito but will send my attorney to claim the jackpot. I will then consult with my attorney, accountant, and financial advisor on the best ways of handling that much money.

Another way you will know I am the lucky one will be when you don’t see my blog for a week or so. It will take me that long to regain my composure to continue with my occasional word fest. I’m sure I will win because I am holding not one ticket but five! Yes, I splurged and plunked down five whole dollars for a chance to win $640 million. When I bought my lucky tickets I asked the clerk if he guaranteed one was a winner and he mumbled something about my chances were something like one in about 100 million—or something like that. I’m sure he was thinking, “Yea, sure lady. You think you’re clever but I have been asked that question about 1,000 times today.”

Another reason I’m sure I’m going to win is according to the linked article below it quotes Mike Catalano, chairman of the mathematics department at Dakota Wesleyan University as saying that the math is clear, “The more tickets you buy, the better chances you have of winning.” Well, DUH! I don’t have a mathematics degree and I can’t balance my checkbook but even I know that! That is why I bought FIVE tickets.

In the article the Einstein mathematician then turns into Debby Downer to try to explain the odds against winning. Professor Catalano adds that you are about 50 times as likely to be struck by lightning, 8,000 times more likely to be murdered, and 20,000 times more likely to die in a car crash than win the lottery. I don’t like those stats at all. I will do all I can to stay away from lightning, guns, and crazy drivers.

He then wraps up his explanation by saying…”you’d be much better off going to Las Vegas and playing blackjack or the slot machines.” As a matter of fact I did win at the slot machines in Vegas. I put in three quarters and won $300 dollars. I then quit while I was ahead and enjoyed my profit of $300. Thus, another “sign” that I will win the treasured jackpot.

Another naysayer is a preacher I once heard who preached against the sins of gambling. He spent the whole hour talking about how wrong it is to play the lottery, horse racing, and other forms of gambling. Sure, if someone bets their life savings on the lottery then that is a problem but I don’t think my $5 will create a financial ruin. However, if –no wait—when—I win, that is another reason for sending the attorney to claim the funds. I don’t want to have to explain my sins to the “preacherman”. Besides, the fact that I refused to gamble away my $300 windfall is proof enough that I don’t have a gambling problem.

I will leave you with an old joke you may have heard but it bears repeating in this context:

A priest was having financial difficulties and he prayed daily for a savior—someone to help pay the bills. In spite of his constant prayers the parish sank deeper in debt until they were facing foreclosure. Finally, in desperation, he fell before the altar and prayed. “Lord, I have faith and I know you have promised we would win the lottery and save our beautiful church dedicated to your glory; but yet, we are at the end of the journey and we can no longer pay our bills. I am desperate; I don’t know what to do. Please give me an answer.” At that time the sun shone through the stained glass windows and a booming voice came down from above saying—“BUY A TICKET.”

Yes, no matter how strong our faith, you can’t win the lottery without a ticket. So when the lottery is drawn I will sit there with my five little tickets waiting for the right combination of numbers. If you don’t hear from me in the next week or two you will know I have flown off to some deserted island to count my mega millions.