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A funny thing happened on the way to the art show

Taken from an American Greetings card I received in the hospital.

My last two blog posts have been about my excitement and preparation for the art show this past weekend, but, instead of appearing at the Sunbear Gallery I was languishing at the luxurious St. Anne’s Hospital resort.

A bumpy detour

Continuing the road metaphor that I used in my last post I will say that the road suddenly became bumpy and detoured straight to the doors of the hospital. The past week was especially hectic as I completed my work and prepared displays for the show. During that time I wasn’t feeling up to par but pushed it to the back of my mind saying I didn’t have time to be sick. Everything had to be turned in to the gallery by Wednesday to give them time to prepare their displays. Throughout Thursday I continued to feel “ify” and began to think I wasn’t feeling well enough to stand for two days in the heat and talk with the people when all I wanted to do was be in bed. Friday I went to our local Urgent Care and asked the doc to patch me up for two days to give me time to get through the weekend. He examined me and then said, “I can patch you up but you will hate me later. You need to go to the ER right now.”

A popular term for the miniature White Castle hamburgers is “gut busters” or “gut bombs”—WELL—I felt like a couple of those bombs had gone off in my gut. Without going into graphic detail let’s just say the belly was bouncing. After a bad reaction to some meds things went from bad to worse. That is when I went into seclusion, had the phone disconnected, and saw few visitors.

Happy faces equal happy pills

Fortunately, I responded well to a heavy dosage of antibiotics and was able to come home on Sunday. But, the best medicine of all was a series of happy faces drawn by my niece’s four-year old son Aidan. Posted on the bathroom door was a dry erase chart where the nurses wrote their names for each shift and at the bottom was a series of emoticons to help the patient measure his pain. At the end of the series Aidan drew a sad face because Aunt Sheila had an “ouwee”, then he drew a happy face in the blank space meant for the patient to list a goal. At the very end of the chart he drew what can only be described as a blob which meant that Aidan didn’t have any “ouwees”. He then drew me a card full of various happy faces which looked to me like happy pills. All those happy faces must have worked because by the end of their visit I felt much better and even the nurses agreed my condition was much improved.

Take it from me, if you are ever feeling poorly the best medicine is the happy faces of a four-year old.

GO AWAY, CHARLIE SHEEN

Charlie Sheen is on Fire

Image by eviloars via Flickr

I think Charlie Sheen has hijacked my TV set. He is everywhere! He is on entertainment shows, news shows, special reports, talk shows and more—I can’t get rid of him. My TV is possessed and I am thinking of having an exorcism.

His once handsome face is leering at me and proclaiming himself a god surrounded by his goddess girlfriends. He brags about how great he is and anyone who dares question him or disagree with him is a no body. He is so great he even cured himself of his drug and alcohol demons with his mind. He just thought about it for a couple of minutes and—boom—he is cured. All problems are gone and he is perfect.

Why do I want to watch this crap, why does Charlie Sheen think I want to watch this crap, why do TV executives think I want to watch this crap? What kind of example is he setting for his kids and our young people? How do we explain to young preteens and teens that his behavior is unacceptable? His debauchery and excess of sex and drugs is a guide to self-destruction. Why doesn’t anyone see this?

 At least his long time publicist saw the light and dropped him as a client. Another positive move is the removal of his children from his den of inequity. What did their mother feel as she watched her children cuddled by “Miss Porn” and “Miss Druggie of the Month Cover Girl”?

There have been suggestions that he is suffering from some kind of mental illness, possibly bipolar. If that is the case, then please get help. Right now, all this media attention is just feeding the egotistical monster. He is loving the opportunity to “tell his side of the story”, as he would like you to believe. However, this is no more than an opportunity to publically humiliate anyone he feels has wronged him and feed his ego.

 So, Charlie Sheen, if you are so great then please go save yourself. Be a man and do the adult thing and get help. You didn’t hesitate to go to the hospital when you felt physically ill; getting help for a mental illness is no different. There is no shame in admitting your behavior is not the norm and seeking help to put yourself on an even keel.

But, whatever you do, please Charlie Sheen, get out of my TV set. If you aren’t gone soon I’m calling in the Priest, holy water, burning sage, voodoo dolls, and whatever else is needed to excise your image from my TV.