Mega-mania Means Mega Millions for Someone

Have you bought your lottery ticket yet? Well, don’t bother because I’m going to win the $640 million Mega Millions jackpot.

If it is announced that there is a winner but the reluctant person has not come forward yet, then you will know that I am the one holding the lucky ticket. When I win I will remain incognito but will send my attorney to claim the jackpot. I will then consult with my attorney, accountant, and financial advisor on the best ways of handling that much money.

Another way you will know I am the lucky one will be when you don’t see my blog for a week or so. It will take me that long to regain my composure to continue with my occasional word fest. I’m sure I will win because I am holding not one ticket but five! Yes, I splurged and plunked down five whole dollars for a chance to win $640 million. When I bought my lucky tickets I asked the clerk if he guaranteed one was a winner and he mumbled something about my chances were something like one in about 100 million—or something like that. I’m sure he was thinking, “Yea, sure lady. You think you’re clever but I have been asked that question about 1,000 times today.”

Another reason I’m sure I’m going to win is according to the linked article below it quotes Mike Catalano, chairman of the mathematics department at Dakota Wesleyan University as saying that the math is clear, “The more tickets you buy, the better chances you have of winning.” Well, DUH! I don’t have a mathematics degree and I can’t balance my checkbook but even I know that! That is why I bought FIVE tickets.

In the article the Einstein mathematician then turns into Debby Downer to try to explain the odds against winning. Professor Catalano adds that you are about 50 times as likely to be struck by lightning, 8,000 times more likely to be murdered, and 20,000 times more likely to die in a car crash than win the lottery. I don’t like those stats at all. I will do all I can to stay away from lightning, guns, and crazy drivers.

He then wraps up his explanation by saying…”you’d be much better off going to Las Vegas and playing blackjack or the slot machines.” As a matter of fact I did win at the slot machines in Vegas. I put in three quarters and won $300 dollars. I then quit while I was ahead and enjoyed my profit of $300. Thus, another “sign” that I will win the treasured jackpot.

Another naysayer is a preacher I once heard who preached against the sins of gambling. He spent the whole hour talking about how wrong it is to play the lottery, horse racing, and other forms of gambling. Sure, if someone bets their life savings on the lottery then that is a problem but I don’t think my $5 will create a financial ruin. However, if –no wait—when—I win, that is another reason for sending the attorney to claim the funds. I don’t want to have to explain my sins to the “preacherman”. Besides, the fact that I refused to gamble away my $300 windfall is proof enough that I don’t have a gambling problem.

I will leave you with an old joke you may have heard but it bears repeating in this context:

A priest was having financial difficulties and he prayed daily for a savior—someone to help pay the bills. In spite of his constant prayers the parish sank deeper in debt until they were facing foreclosure. Finally, in desperation, he fell before the altar and prayed. “Lord, I have faith and I know you have promised we would win the lottery and save our beautiful church dedicated to your glory; but yet, we are at the end of the journey and we can no longer pay our bills. I am desperate; I don’t know what to do. Please give me an answer.” At that time the sun shone through the stained glass windows and a booming voice came down from above saying—“BUY A TICKET.”

Yes, no matter how strong our faith, you can’t win the lottery without a ticket. So when the lottery is drawn I will sit there with my five little tickets waiting for the right combination of numbers. If you don’t hear from me in the next week or two you will know I have flown off to some deserted island to count my mega millions.


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